Fundamentals With Phoenix: How to Train Your Human

Lesson 5: Intimidation is Your Friend  

Whenever you find yourself around humans, imagine that there’s a four-foot circle drawn around you. For a lack of a better term, we’ll refer to it as our personal hula hoop space (I may have heard that somewhere before?). It’s like an invisible electric fence designed to keep your human at a respectful, safe distance away from you. Unless your human is offering you a treat or maybe reaching that one itchy spot you can never seem to get to and you invite them up to you, they need to stay out.

As long as your human stays out of your personal space, they can’t halter you and put you to work. So how does a horse go about keeping a human out of their personal space? By any means necessary. Over the years, I’ve found that the most effective method is biting, or acting as if you’re going to bite. Don’t worry if you’re vertically challenged like myself – the mere thought of anything with hooves and fur coming at them with teeth bared is enough to make 90 percent of humans turn tail and run.

If you’re dealing with a little human or one that whispers sweet nothings to you and gets lost in your big brown eyes, you’ll likely just have to act as if you’re going to bite them or give a little tug on their shirt and they’ll squeal and run the other way. If you’re dealing with a human who is more confident, you’ll need to up the pressure and go in for a full attack.

No matter what type of human you’re dealing with, remember that timing is critical and to go through the stages of pressure accordingly.

Stage one: Pin your ears. This lets your human know that they’re entering your space and you’re unhappy about it.

Stage Two: Pin your ears and bare your teeth. Now your human knows you’re unhappy and prepared to do something about it. For a good chunk of humans, you won’t have to progress past this stage.

Stage Three: Pin your ears, bare your teeth and lunge toward the human. This lets your human know that you’re coming to get them if they don’t leave you alone.

Stage Four: If necessary, pin your ears, bare your teeth, lunge toward the human and grab them with your teeth. Hey, you gave them plenty of warnings!

As you’re teaching your human to stay out of your personal space, keep this in mind: Do what you have to do to get the job done. Do it as easy as possible but as firm as necessary. There’s no need to go full-on Cujo when a simple flattening of the ears will do. Save your energy for when it really counts, like bolting away from your human in the pasture.

If you’re looking for something a little extra to keep your human off balance, even when you do decide to invite them into your personal space, give them a good nip every now and then. Grab the treat, and then nip them. When your itchy spot is satisfied, bend your head and neck around and grab a mouthful of human. It’s a good little reminder to them who has the upper hoof in your relationship and keeps them on their toes.

 

Whatever you do, do not allow your human to learn the “Backing Up” exercises from the Fundamentals Series. There are four of these gems:

Method 1: Tap the Air

Method 2: Wiggle, Wave, Walk and Whack

Method 3: Marching

Method 4: Steady Pressure

If your human starts these exercises with you, you’ll soon learn that there is more to backing than just shuffling your feet a step or two in reverse to get around a crabby pasture mate or to grab that perfect mouthful of grass you accidentally passed by. The Tap the Air method? All your human will have to do is look at you and point their finger and you’ll back up with energy. With the Wiggle, Wave, Walk and Whack approach, your human will expect you to back up as they walk toward you. Have you ever in your life backed more than three steps at one time? It’s not fun. If you’re on the lazier side of the scale, you’ll hate Method 3: Marching. The sole purpose of this exercise is to get you to better elevate your shoulders and pick up your feet. That means you’re going to learn the meaning of hustle. Stage Four: Steady Pressure is the cherry on top for humans. Your human will love to trot you out in front of their friends and show off their training. They’ll so much as place their fingertip underneath the clip on the lead rope, and you’ll be the schmuck backing lightly away from them.

A few repetitions of these exercises, and you’ll find yourself respecting your human’s personal space and be fooled into thinking they’re a worthy leader. And we’re not even to the worst part yet. In the Fundamentals Series, Clinton literally tells your human to back you everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. To and from the pasture, in and out of your stall, back and forth to the arena, in and out of the wash rack … you name it, and you’re backing to it. To drive the point home to humans, he even likes to crack a little joke and tells them to back their horses so much that they forget how to go forward. Ha, ha, ha … we’re all laughing, Clinton.

Don’t believe what I’m saying? That’s exactly why I got Clinton to put together this short video to show you what is in store for you. You’ll be able to tell by my expression just how much fun backing is!

Stay Sassy & Free,
Phoenix